Blog Title: Boondocking, Bullshit, and Broken Shit: The Trailer ‘Life’ Diaries
So currently, Mike is sleeping in his recliner like an injured king 👑, surrounded by a folding dog pen like he’s on house arrest for some weird orthopedic crime. He just had shoulder surgery AGAIN—this time to fix a hole caused by the last shoulder surgery 🩻. Shoulder surgeries suck all the ass, and while this one’s supposed to be less brutal, recovery is still recovery. You ever tried wiping your ass with your non-dominant hand? It’s amazing. Thoughts and prayers. 🙏🏼😂
And because of all this, ‘Beth’—our cute-ass travel trailer—has officially been benched 🛻💤. She's parked, tucked away, and off-limits for a couple of months while Mike heals. That is a DAMN SHAME because I swear I could camp every damn weekend and never get tired of it. I’m an addict. Give me some sunsets, camp chairs, music, nature, campfire and our dogs (even if they are holding their pee and poo for days 🐾🍻🔥) and I am happy as a clam in mud.
Let’s rewind to the start of this wild-ass month, shall we?
Chapter 1: Buying Beth – AKA “You Too Can Tow With a Prius!”
We bought our trailer, Beth, from Broadmoor. Now listen, they’re better than Camping World, but the bar is low. Like, "don’t light me on fire and I’ll give you 3 stars" low. If you drove up in a Volkswagen Beetle 🐞, they’d sell you a 35-foot fifth wheel. No joke. They told us our Toyota Tundra was more than enough to tow Beth. Spoiler alert: it is, but barely. She’s 1,500 pounds under our towing limit, and we still feel like we need a damn diesel. So yeah, truck shopping is in our future 🛻💸. Because let’s be real—we’re eventually gonna want a big, juicy fifth wheel. We’re in deep now.
Chapter 2: Prosser – Our “We Have No Idea What We’re Doing” Tour
Our first camping trip was to Prosser. Full hookups, nice and basic. Just a glorified parking lot with patches of grass—no judgment, it served its purpose. We had zero idea what we were doing. Between the dogs losing their minds while we set up 🐕🌀, forgetting a sweatshirt and an extra blanket, and staring at the black tank like it was a bomb 💣, we survived. Barely.
Lessons learned:
The dogs think setup time = full-on chaos 🐶🤯
Always pack a sweatshirt
Trailer life is 90% trial by fire 🔥
Chapter 3: Hood Park – Shitty Spots, Locked Doors, and Literal Shit Water
Trip #2. Hood Park. We graduated to partial hookups—power only. That means hauling our own water like pioneers. And surprise! We locked the keys in the truck 🔐🚗. 🔥 Peak fire season, limited cell service, and me spiraling because the truck is locked and the whole region is basically a matchstick. Austin (our MVP) drove out, grabbed the spare key from home, and saved the day. 🦸♂️
AND THEN… While geocaching at the campground (don’t judge me), I found a cache in a tree trunk and seconds later, a huge-ass branch snapped at top of the tree with the cache and exploded exactly where I’d been standing 🌳💥. I’m talking straight-up Final Destination vibes. Luckily, my guardian angel was sober and on duty 😇.
Things we learned:
Always read campground reviews 🧐
Have a damn hide-a-key 🗝️
People are gross and will swim in actual sewage 🧽🚫💩
A tank of water will last three days without even trying 🚿
YouTube University will save your ass when your tankless water heater throws Error 1 📺🤓
Chapter 4: The Timmerman Curse – Cursed in Granger (WTF)
Last Thursday, Penny and I set off to Goldendale to shoot a YouTube episode on the alleged curse of Henry Timmerman. We never made it. No joke, we got cursed in Granger 🧿.
One minute we’re hauling ass down the freeway at 80, the next we can’t go over 40 🛣️🐢. The car throws itself into “limp mode,” which apparently is a real thing. It’s the automotive equivalent of curling up in the fetal position and tapping out. We tried to find a bar. No luck. So instead, we bought a six-pack of Coors Light 🍺 and potato chips 🥔 from the truck stop and sat on the curb like actual Lot Lizards.
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The509Unfiltered YouTube Channel (click this link)
Once again, Austin to the rescue. Tows my cursed vehicle back with his flatbed. Jim (Penny’s husband and also a damn hero) does the diagnostic voodoo and finds a transmission issue (AGAIN) ⚙️📉. That’s the third or fourth time. I told myself if it happened again, I’m done. And guess what? I’m done.
So the plan is: repair it, sell it, move on. I loved my little Juke 🚙💔. She was weird and ugly and loyal. They don’t make them anymore, but they do make the Nissan Kicks. It’s affordable, AWD, and (fingers crossed) reliable. No bells, no whistles. Just get me where I need to go without limping 🏁.
Chapter 5: Boondocking Like Badasses
We officially went boondocking (at Burwood Brewery) 😎. That’s no hookups, no nothing, just you, a generator, and good vibes. I joined Harvest Host (about $100/year), and you can stay overnight at breweries, farms, wineries, etc., in exchange for buying their stuff. DEAL.
It. Was. Awesome.
One of the bright spots was when Chad and Leslie came out to visit us at the brewery. It was actually really nice to sit and chill with people who don’t mind if your hair’s frizzy and you’re wearing the same hoodie three days in a row. Plus, there’s just something about catching up in lawn chairs, bluetooth stereo, sunset, with a cold drink and zero judgment.
The generator ran the AC for 15+ hours on full blast ❄️🔌. It was quiet. It worked flawlessly. We now know how to manage water, monitor the grey/black tanks, and most importantly—how to not panic when we’re off-grid. Out of all three camping styles (full, partial, and dry), boondocking wins 🏕️🏆.
Things we forgot this trip:
Mike forgot his mouthguard 😬
I forgot my PJs 😳
Final Chapter: Health Updates, Ear Problems, and the Great Slowdown Request
So Mike’s healing. Poor dude. Left-handed wiping is not for the weak 💪🤣.
And me? I’ve got this inner ear crap that’s making me feel like I’m living underwater at a rave. Fluid behind the eardrum, sounds muffled, echoes galore, and now vertigo 🌀🎧. Doctor said the ear drains at the bridge of your nose… which sounds made up, but ok. I’m on the “meth lab cocktail” of Flonase + Sudafed (the real stuff, not the fake crap), and it’s finally starting to help. Day 5. Wish me luck 🤞.
Wrapping It All Up
So yeah. In a few short weeks:
We bought a trailer 🚐
Camped in a literal parking lot 🅿️
Camped in a campground that smelled like swamp 💩
Got cursed in Granger 🧿
Locked ourselves out 🔑
Got towed 🚛
We have to buy TWO cars 🚗🚗
Went boondocking like damn pros 👊
Had surgery 🏥
Got ear-possessed 👂👻
Please, Universe… slow your damn roll 🛑. We're learning. We're adapting. We’re writing lists and checking them 5,000 times. But for the love of all that’s holy—maybe give us a chill week? And if you can’t do that - F 🐦⬛ F. 😂
K?
K.
Thanks.
My New favorite shirt from my sweet friend, Julie Rodda 🩷
—Jess 💀✌️
