🦐🐾 Tula & Moxie: The Shrimp Sisters Who Run Our Damn Lives

Aug 24

Let me introduce you to Tula and Moxie — full sisters, same litter, born June 30, 2023, at the Eggers’ house to River and Trucker. Yep, their parents are still together. Imagine that. A canine love story that lasted longer than half the marriages on my Facebook feed. 💍🐕

The litter? Freaking massive — like, “did someone sneak fertility drugs into the kibble?” massive. Out of that sea of puppies, most live nearby. But here’s the kicker: while their siblings look like NFL linebackers 🏋️‍♂️, Tula and Moxie came out… fun-sized. They’re shrimps compared to their Amazon-sized brothers and sisters. Teeny-tiny. Like Golden Retrievers on Ozempic.

Meanwhile, Moxie and Tula are out here looking like the fun-size candy bars nobody trades at Halloween. 🍬🐶

I told myself, out loud, like a crazy person yelling at the universe: “No. More. Dogs.” after a loss of 4 pets in quick succession right after we moved here. 🚫🐾

Yeah, that lasted about five minutes. On August 25th, the shrimp sisters came home — and now they run our lives like two furry little dictators. 👑👑

⚡️ Personality Check: Chaos vs. Calculated Chaos

Moxie: The ringleader, the troublemaker, the dog equivalent of “YOLO motherfckers!”* 🎉 She’s over there digging to China 🕳️, knocking shit over, and giving zero f*cks. She’s a bull in a china shop 🐂, and if you’re wondering where she gets it… hi, it’s me. I once pulled all the candles off a store shelf as a kid and made my parents pay for them. Moxie would too. 100%.
She’s also Mike’s ride-or-die. If Tula even looks at him, Moxie turns into a nightclub bouncer. 🚷 “Move, bitch. He’s mine.”
Tula: The thinker 🤔. The one waiting for Moxie to test the electric fence first before deciding if it’s safe. She’s my shadow. But don’t let that fool you — she’s greedy as hell. Everything is “mine, mine, mine, mine.” Like a toddler with goldfish crackers. 🐟🍪 If Moxie dares get too close to me, Tula has a full toddler meltdown. 👶 Her love language? Gentle little love bites. 💋 Not painful, just her way of saying “you’re mine, bitch.”

🧦 Tula the Ball Obsessed Sock Burglar (and Moxie, the Zero-F*cks Giver)

Every dog has their thing — some chase balls, some shred toys. Tula? She’s a straight-up ball obsessed sock burglar. First thing in the morning, before she even eats or pees, she’s on a mission: find all of my socks on the floor and cram them in her mouth like she’s smuggling contraband. 😂

I swear she’s had up to eight socks jammed in there at once. Eight. Her cheeks puffed out like a furry little chipmunk hoarding cotton. Then at night, she repeats the process, like she’s clocking in for the evening shift at Sock Depot. 🧦⏰ And the wild part? She never touches Mike’s stuff. Ever.

Moxie, on the other hand, has zero interest in socks. Or the ball. Both of which are Tula’s obsessions. Different as night and day — one’s a hoarder, one’s a bulldozer — but alike in so many ways too.

Honestly, I thought I was nuts for bringing home two puppies at once. Double the chaos, double the vet bills, double the poop bags. But as it turns out? It was one of the best damn decisions I’ve ever made. 🐾❤️

🙏 Thank God They’re Besties

These two snuggle like conjoined twins. 🛏️ Bathroom, kennel, doesn’t matter — they always have to touch. But here’s the kicker: they don’t have littermate syndrome.

For the non-dog nerds: littermate syndrome = doggie co-dependency hell 🔥🐶🐶. Two puppies from the same litter bond so hard they basically turn into one dumbass dog with half a brain cell each. You can’t train them, you can’t separate them, they’re a nightmare. We dodged that bullet. 🎯

Moxie and Tula are besties, but they’ve got their own brains, their own quirks, and their own humans. (Mike vs. me. Obviously. 😏)

🐕 Daily Life with the Shrimp Sisters

Leash work: They’ve turned into little show ponies 🐎. Heel like pros. March with purpose.
Food: No human scraps 🚫🍕. They eat the exact same diet, yet Moxie is thicker. Genetics are assholes.
Sprinklers: Moxie blasts through like a fat kid at a slip ’n slide 💦😂. Tula acts like it’s acid rain ☠️.
Camping: Absolute shitshow. ⛺️ Moxie whines non-stop while we set up the fence (takes 2 minutes, but apparently too long ⏰), and Tula just gets dragged around the picnic table like an unwilling rodeo clown 🤡. Neither will pee or poop until their kidneys are about to explode 💧, but the second they get inside the camper? Angels 😇. They literally put themselves to bed.

❤️ Blessing in Disguise

Despite the chaos, they’ve been the best damn thing we could’ve done. After losing so many pets when we moved here, our house was too quiet. These two shrimp sisters brought back the joy we didn’t think we’d get again. 🐾

And in case you’re wondering if they’re mutts — nope. DNA confirmed: 100% Golden Retriever. Just… fun-sized.

So yeah. Meet Tula and Moxie — small but mighty, sassy as hell, rulers of our camper, sock thief and chaos queen, and proof that sometimes breaking your own damn rules is the only way to survive. 🦐🐕👑