Help, I’m Trapped in a Mod Podge Cult (and I Don’t Want Out) 😬
I fall into all sorts of rabbit holes 🐇. From conspiracies to decoupage, I dive headfirst and don’t come up for air until I’ve completely lost track of time, space, and reality. Some people binge Netflix. Me? I’m currently binging mod podge and paper 🎨.
Here’s how it goes: I wander out to my craft room in the morning, coffee in hand ☕, telling myself I’ll “just play around a little.” Next thing I know, it’s night. The only reason I’ve left the room is to pee or let the dogs out before they start a mutiny. My coffee is stone cold, I’ve got glue in my hair, Mod Podge on my clothes, and my craft room looks like a napkin factory got hit by a tornado.
So what the hell is decoupage? At its core, it’s the art of gluing paper or fabric onto surfaces and sealing it up so it looks intentional. Think collage, but elevated. Flat surface? Covered. Curves? Bring it on. Basically, if it holds still long enough, it’s fair game.
What am I making? Oh, just about everything: tables, trays, bottles, ghosts, cutting boards, pumpkins 🎃, bowls. You name it—I’m decoupaging it.
There are a few ways to feed this obsession:
Buy decoupage napkins – Endless designs. Florals, funky patterns, seasonal stuff.
Make your own paper – Print it, paint it, rip it.
Use fabric – Adds texture and changes the whole look.
The process is addictively simple: slap down some MP, lay the paper or fabric, smooth it—or don’t. You’ll see tutorials teaching you to get rid of wrinkles like it’s the end of the world. Me? I love the wrinkles. They add grit and texture and scream, “See? Not fucking perfect!” Wrinkles belong in crafts, not Botox.
And here’s the dangerous part—once you start, you can’t stop. Suddenly you’re looking at every object in your house like it’s a potential victim. That old vase? Yep. The dusty cutting board? Definitely. A pumpkin? Why the hell not. Before you know it, you’re knee-deep in glue and wondering, “How TF did I get here?”
So yeah, my life right now is glue-covered chaos. My dogs think I’ve moved into the craft room, my laundry is a Mod Podge crime scene, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
Wanna decoupage? Trust me—you’ll love it.
⚠️ Warning: Possible Side Effects of Decoupage Addiction ⚠️
Glue in your hair, on your clothes, and occasionally on your dog 🐶.
Craft room may reach “FEMA disaster zone” status within 24 hours 🌀.
Sudden obsession with paper napkins. (You will never look at Target’s seasonal aisle the same again.)
Time loss comparable to alien abductions 👽. (“How is it midnight already?”)
Wrinkles in your projects—and you’ll start defending them like battle scars.
The unshakable belief that pumpkins need floral prints.
Dogs glaring at you because you’re late for their dinner…again.
Neighbors questioning why you’re outside spray-sealing random objects at 10 p.m.
Zero desire for perfection. You’ll start proudly shouting, “Not fucking perfect!” like it’s your life motto.
Consult your local craft store before beginning. Side effects are permanent. Satisfaction guaranteed.
